I have been trying to make sense of grief.
And through my grief, I’ve been learning this:

Grief never gets easier and maybe it shouldn’t.
Because grief is proof that love mattered.

Every scar we carry is a testament to how deeply we loved.
The deeper the scar, the greater the love.
Scars remind us we can live deeply,
be cut deeply,
and still heal.
Scar tissue is stronger than the flesh it replaces.
They are not ugly.
They are proof we loved.
They are proof we lived.

Grief comes in waves.
When the ship is first wrecked,
you are drowning…wreckage all around you,
every piece a reminder of what was lost.
All you can do is float,
hold on to fragments of memory,
a photograph,
a voice note,
a hand still reaching through the dark.

At first, the waves are merciless,
towering, seconds apart.
You can’t breathe.
You can’t think.
You can only hang on.

With time, weeks, months or maybe even years..
the waves are still tall but further apart.
You learn to breathe between them.
You learn that a smell, a song, a corner of the street
will still knock you down.
But you also learn that you will rise again.
Soaked, gasping, clinging to wreckage but alive.

The waves never stop.
And maybe you don’t want them to.
Because the waves remind you that love was real.
That grief and love are forever entwined.
The greater the love, the greater the grief.
By definition, every love story must end in tragedy.

But perhaps the scars of grief,
like the scars of love,
are not meant to fade
they are reminders
that we survived,
we loved,
and we are still capable of loving again.

The most impressive people I know
are not those who escaped tragedy,
but those who walked through it
without letting it harden them.
Those who refused to turn bitter.
Those who chose love over anger,
gentleness over withdrawal.

It is easy to let sorrow bend you towards the dark.
It is harder to let it bend you into kindness.

If you have been broken and still choose gentleness,
still choose kindness, still choose love,
you are stronger than you know.
You are proof that even in unbearable sorrow, light can remain.
you are a warrior of a different kind.
A badass with the heart of an angel.

Grief will scar you.
But scars are holy.
They are love carved into flesh.
They are the price of caring,
the mark of being alive.

And in time,
you will learn to breathe between the waves,
and even carry others through theirs.

If you’ve read this far,
I hope you feel loved today,
I hope you chose love even for those who hurt you.
I hope you hug someone you love.